If you haven't read our Derby Weekend Etiquette you seriously need take the time, it might save you from that Text/email Walk of Shame.
If you are a figures or numbers guy, you understand the concept of time, it is something that is very fleeting for us on Derby Weekend.
The schedule for the week is:
Today - Tuesday April 30: Produce Wednesday May 1 cards, Oaks issue for May 3rd, and Zoom at 8:30 pm
Wednesday, May 1st: Produce Thursday, May 2, cards, Derby issue for May 4th, and finally Zoom, at 8:30 pm
Thursday, May 2nd Actually take a deep breath and answer questions from horspelayers about the weather.
Yes, the weather, I am already being grilled about that.
The weather outlook has changed three times this week, from 45% chance of rain to no rain, now to 45% chance of rain.
Now, at Weather Underground: (Derby day)
"Do I take into account the weather? "
Of course, I have to, but since we publish almost 72 hours in advance, I go by what I see on the forecast. Also, I understand how quickly the main track dries at Churchill Downs.
On especially dry days, the main track becomes loose and brittle and speed dominates, the no passing sign, is actually a Stop Sign for closers.
So, with the rain, keeping the track tight, its more of a fair surface. Water is the equalizer on a racing surface.
Also, another factor no one discussess, with the lengthy times between races and Oaks & Derby of almost 1 hour to 90 minutes, it is very hard to keep water on the track.
Thus, in some Derbies we have speed not backig up and they finish in the order they were at the 1/4 pole.
If needs to be and I really am reluctant to do this, I can always update the file and send one out. I will let you know if that happens, but I am sure I will get 3 or more inquiries about it by Friday and Saturday.
I have been doing this Derby and Oaks sheets since 1997.
My most head scratching question I get during the weekend is: (drum roll)
"Do you still like that horse?"
Yes, like magically, in the last 12 hours, I have completely changed my mind and I didn't tell you, because that's how I roll. (NOT)
I am not a typical handicapper that listens to his janitorial engineer and gets swayed to change mind. I change your mind, not the other way around.
I am stubborn with what I believe in, I don't fall for some idiot with a conspiracy theory in the race to fuck with my Chee and Zen, of which Amy Kearns would be very proud of.
(Just wanted to remind you about that whole catfish thing...)
Speaking of Amy-sama ( a Japanese term for Ms) and her boyfriend, her Hatomoto, finally started watching Shogun, which Season 1 just concluded on FX.
A fabulous series and testament to the Japanese culture and history, strong recommendation for all to view, since we have Japanese horses representing Japan in the Kentucky Derby.
There is a requirement to watch Shogun, and that is, you have to be able to read, pay attention, focus, unless you speak fucking japanese and you don't need to read subtitles.
Show of hands who speaks japanese in the room.
A similar requirement you need to play Oaks & Derby weekend, focus and listen.
Rules to follow and live by Derby weekend:
1.) No drinking until after the races, you hammered and slurring words at the betting window is frowned upon by your bankroll.
2.) No late night partying, no strip clubs, and that is meant specifically for our friend Pete Rinato. We don't really need to be sitting next to you in the box with the smell of stripper perfume and alcohol invading our air space.
3.) No drama, especially during our Zooms, keeping your mic off is extremely important, as we really don't want to hear you squabbling with your wife about stuff we really don't want to hear, and No sleeping and snoring is frowned upon.
Just ask Paul Sherwin when he nodded off after 40 minutes, head, going back and to the left, as he snored, back and to the left, we all quietly left him alone on the zoom recording for a good while when we were done. He woke up with an empty room on the Zoom.
Don't be Paul, who is a great guy. you will meet him on the zoom, he travels from Pensacola to New Orleans during the winter, just to stay in Jail, a haunted Jail, but more on Handicappers Traveling confessions coming soon.
4.) Please, pretty please, don't get hammered on the zoom and be a chatty Kathy. Please, Its hard for me to cover what we need to cover, in the time alloted, with you having a five minute disertation on why you like.... [fill in the blank]
So many rules to follow, so little time, and all I can say is be cognicent of the weekend and what is important.
5. Believe
The most important thing is,......... is.......is, I can only say this in my Roy Kent voice "fucking win".